he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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