if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize