I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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