An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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