i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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