Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize