You really coming over, don't trick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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