So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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