PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize