I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
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i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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