I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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