I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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