Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i will never coherently bang her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize