At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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