Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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