a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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