I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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