just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize