I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
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I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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