I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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