Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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