I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
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