So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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