I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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