You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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