Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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