I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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