I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
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Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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