You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize