paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he shaved USA in his pubs
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told me I should be a condom model.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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