i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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