So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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