she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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