Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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