we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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