I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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