my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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