Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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