where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where is the hickey?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
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being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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