you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize