I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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