You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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