; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize