he was CRYING into my vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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