Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize