I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize