Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize