he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize