and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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