Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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